The Mute.

The sentence speaker, world eater

All that’s left is being eager

Lonely silence, I’m no leader

slowly drifting through the aether

lost all feeling, lost all hope

drift through space, I feel alone

 

Written September 2015
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Space.

I was sent up to space

Too many times

Sent up to space

On missions that weren’t mine

 

I’m tied to this earth

With tethers and binds

Stuck here forever

A conscious mind

 

I don’t have my space

I don’t own my time

But I do own my breath

And on that I will fly

 

Written April 2016

Lucid

Lucid, I lay awake

these dreams I know are fake

steady hands begin to shake

 

lips quiver, heart aches

These dreams I know are fake

yet I let them find their place

 

no remorse, I yearn for more

tears well, and body sore

Surely, I’ll be back for more

 

reality distorts; its own accord

hand-picks perception, the rest goes ignored

My entire life washing to the shore

 

Written April 8, 2015

Antsy

I am but an ant
in a colony so dense
I lack confidants
and confidence

alone in a crowd
the rumbling sound
of tiny ant claws hitting the ground
I am afraid I seem to have found
only six of those, just aren’t very loud

Leaving.

I’m sure I’ll cry when she leaves
But I can’t be sad too long
It will get in the way of school
And the other things
Society expects of me
I wish I could be free
Of all these burdens
I should save up money
I need to finish school,
And then I want to leave too
Maybe with her
If we’re still in touch
I hope we are

Written July, 2017

Gross.

Words
spew onto the page like vomit,
Painting it
a sick medley of pinks and yellows,
Emotions
like upchucked hot dogs
My brain
Unfiltered
Gross

 

Written July 8, 2017

Helplessly Hoping

Her words washed over me like a baptism
Sincerity sank into my soul
Contentment crashed against the coast of my heart
I held her close and relayed my response
Seemingly drifting through the cosmos
For a timeless moment,

I woke up,
Helplessly hoping

That night we were in her car
My heart was on my sleeve
And I told her something with my eyes
We were afraid of it, maybe we still are

I’m helplessly hoping that we aren’t

We woke up in bed together
Last night was something special
We listened to people pour their hearts out
With words spoken, their beauty and intensity
May have inspired us to pour our hearts out

In silence,

we’ve evolved from holding hands
To locking eyes, to locking lips,
to something a little bit more honest
The purest declaration of what my eyes said in the car
Back then we were afraid, I don’t think we are now

I’m hoping we aren’t

I’m helplessly hoping this lasts forever
Not the gushy, starry eyed, making eyes, hearts intertwined
the illusion the stuff that ties her and I together
Is different than those invisible filaments binding all of us
I’ll go where I want, and so will she

But I’m still helplessly hoping

That in the end, she’ll want to be with me
But that’s just now talking, futures are made up of different stuff
Mysterious and dark, would it really listen to something as fickle as a heart?
I will not fall prey to wishful thinking, but I think I’m still

Helplessly hoping,

That love lasts forever

May, 2017

Cold

The room is lonely
because the other comes and goes
he only comes there to sleep
But sometimes brings around girls
or 40s and bowls
6 foot tall guys with frisbees and footballs saying “bro”
they try to make conversation
but I can’t handle that
I want to cover my head with a blanket
and ignore them
he left the window open, it’s cold

February, 2016

Broke Boy Blues

I got the broke boy blues
I’m privileged, but
not enough to pick the food
This week
It’s hot dogs or bologna sandwiches
Pb and j or frosted flakes
What’s wrong with corn covered in sugar?
Tony says, they’re greaaaaat!
Dad did what he wanted, and became a teacher
A teacher’s salary is shit
I’m afraid to follow in his footsteps
To plan my future based only on love
Sometimes I feel frozen
By the broke boy blues
Can’t afford moving forward
Until I move forward
So I work, work, work
At places I hate
Places of stagnation
Watching people waste away
I wanna go live in a cave,
And meditate for the rest of my life
Only come out every once in awhile
To absorb the energy of the sun
I think I just accidentally came to the conclusion I wish I was born a plant
Did I mention I’m 22?
I still live in my parents basement
I think I’m moving soon
I’m fucking excited
I’m ready to fly the nest
Broke boy with big dreams
Is ready to leave

Written July 20, 2017